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killerof_dreams

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Ohh gods. [Jun. 20th, 2005|01:22 am]
killerof_dreams
[mood |apatheticLost]
[music |Blink 182 - all of this]

It's been forever, and that's how it should be I guess.
I ended up going to my sisters this weekend to see hollows moving castle, great movie, I really loved it along with all his other movies.
Lately theres been nothing new, just the same old crappy year, I said it was going to be crappy, but did you believe me?
I have no idea when I'm getting another car, probably never because my parents suck shit, I've been very alone lately, just me, my computer and hell itself hanging on my shoulders.
I have nothing to do anymore, nothing to say I've become so empty and dull it sickens me, but what am I to do but rot anyways, no room for being myself when theres no one to witness who I am.

Truely this is the taste of death, what the undead feel, the vampire itself says of it's pain but no one understands till they know exactly, what it is to be dead, to be nothing but alone for eternity. But really, I can't take this, i'm sure you have no idea what I mean but i'm being honest as goes for all my other posts, they're all about something not random jargon, but still no ones there to read them either way or not. Spare me the pity, I've spent so much of my own on myself I'm puking it up like a bad taste.
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Bah. [May. 31st, 2005|12:59 am]
killerof_dreams
[mood |blahhmmm]
[music |hellsing - theme song]

It's been forever since I've posted here, or done anything really.

Been running my stupid server that died for no reason trying to fix the fucking thing is impossible, so I'm giving up because I'm good at that.
I'll probably like, go to my friends later today since theres absolutely nothing to do but try to fix my gay server.

But besides all that gay shit theres more gay shit, my cousin came out for dinner with my grandma and granda pa, while my sister was out for the weekend.
We all ended up goin' to my grandmas 80th birthday party which was way too fucking boring, till we got up and went to fry's electronics <3.
Other than that it's just boring the same ol' boring shit.
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Moo [May. 22nd, 2005|03:23 am]
killerof_dreams

The Keys to Your Heart



You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything!


Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.


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welly welly welly well. [May. 4th, 2005|01:02 am]
killerof_dreams
[mood |blankMeh]
[music |Blink 182 - I miss you]

I'm jealous and shit, it's petty and stupid.
I don't like the fact that I have gay emotions, and I can't completely control myself of course that just means I'm human.

I might be getting a new car soon, which is good means I can move out real soon and get a job so I can move out again, this time to washington.
My friend is going up there soon to see his girlfriend and check the place out.
We're lookin' for a place in Seattle and a couple of jobs around there too, so next time he goes up there I'm goin' with him.

I can't wait till we move up there.
Everything will be so new, fresh and fun, hopefully, I just want to get away kinda.
There'll be at least one reason I might not want to go but it'd have to present itself, or else consider me gone.
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Blah blah blah. [Apr. 26th, 2005|03:13 am]
killerof_dreams
[mood |calmVery interesting.]
[music |the killers - mr brightside]

Well my friend has been talking so much on moving to washington and so on all by himself and doing all this shit by himself so he can be with his girlfriend.
I can really tell he is determined to do so.
So I've been thinking heavily on this for some time now, and I've offered to go with him so it'd be 100x easier and so he wouldn't be alone, and if it doesn't work out with them then at least he'd have someone.
In my case it's not all for him, it's mostly because I want to get away, I want something new I want to be different...
Alone but not alone, and far away so it feels perfect, so I told him what I was thinking, he was totally excited I am going to go as long as everything works out, I will be moving to washington in around a year or a year and a half.
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This weekend. [Apr. 19th, 2005|11:45 pm]
killerof_dreams
[mood |calmIt has to start somewhere.]
[music |Keane - bedshaped]

This weekend has been very confusing in it's own way. I feel like I've learned something and have felt something new at the same time, but I have no idea what it is.
Sometimes we get so cought up in things we don't even realize how stupid it is, I do that so often and have only myself to blame, my worst quallity is how I like to pass things on to people I care about.. I should really just but out of their lives if I'm going to be that way, I just end up making everyone miserable. But I feel sort of posative twords the outcome of current events in my life even though they're so pathetic I've realized how many people really do care for me, even though I was too blind with selfishness to realize it, there are a lot of people who love me, whoever that kid is I feel sorry for him he's going to be cold and lonely for a long time for what he did.. He may deserve it but it's still sad to see such a selfish act at his young age. I really don't know who I am yet I guess, I've still yet to find myself fully, but for now at least I know someone loves me.
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Always. [Apr. 17th, 2005|05:20 pm]
killerof_dreams
[mood |coldLife goes on...]
[music |Keane - bedshaped]

Bah. Here I thought I was home free for once in my life time, finally gonna get gone and out all ready with the necessary accessories and someone has to shatter my dreams again.
I don't know the motherfucker but I'm sure if I met him I'd gut him crotch to nose all slow like pulling small parts out first so he lives the torture, but of course we can't all have what we want. As you can see by these recurring issues in my life time that fuck me over every single time. The god damned people, stupid people from all over far and wide all friends of my gay mom and dad trying to show sympathy by making me listen to them feel sorry for me, it's like a nail in the back of the head and everytime someone new comes along they take a swing till finally your skull cracks and you break apart like the pathetic piece of shit you are. But things could be worse, a couple people I know could be dead which would be worse by far, I could be a poor person, or a jew, but other than my car being stolen I'm luckyish enough to be alive I guess.




EDIT: This just in, the car was found a fucking gayass prickface 16 year old stole it and crashed into a wall totaling my motherfucking car, but he's in jail and facing half his life in prison or juvy, I just hope he get's raped.



EDIT: My god damned dad was too cheap to get full insurance so none of it is covered, instead we're paying fee's and I hate my family with all my heart and want them to die.
It's probably gonna be another year or two till I get a new car, since we won't even get a dime for this, I swear to god I want to tear that little boy to pieces.
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God damnit fuck damn fuck. [Apr. 17th, 2005|12:04 pm]
killerof_dreams
[mood |angryGod damnit son of a bitch.]
[music |Dope - die mother fucker die.]

If you see the car in previous pictures driving around anywhere call the police, because my car was stolen.
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I told ya so. [Apr. 13th, 2005|05:59 pm]
killerof_dreams
[mood |calmMoooooooooo]
[music |none, imagine that.]

Signing on with the answer to the question of the day.

Why do the younger people care less and less for relationships as they get older?


Easy easy, because you were such a fucking emotional ass prick when you were a teen you fucked it up and convinced yourself you're better alone even though all the drama and shit is over at your current age due to the effect of a word we people who know more than you use, called "maturity".



Thank you,
DR.MR. super guy james.
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Umm yeah, and stuff. [Apr. 12th, 2005|10:03 pm]
killerof_dreams
[mood |calmDick]
[music |OMGZ]

I uhh, passed my permit test and shit, so yeah.. stuff.
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